It's been five weeks and I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions. Some days I'm up and others I'm down. There are highs and lows. Heightened joy and slow declines into sadness. I've wondered the "hows" and "whys" and tried to ignore the re-surging pressure to know what to do, how to feel, and how to move on all at the same time.
It's never been any of our place to tell someone how they should feel. It's probably the most insensitive and disregarding acts upon another person. Why can't every experience be one that is worth [try] to understand? I wouldn't imagine it necessary to accept or agree with every perspective but at least empathize with that real emotion.
There's no wonder women are as strong as they are. From thought to conception, we live a life filled with opportunities to make stuff happen. In that place of "productivity" however, I've noticed inklings of discount. Not because of any lacking lovefor myself, but the innate (or so they say) feeling of responsibility to manage the life and opportunities of everyone connected to me. But how much longer am I supposed to keep this up? Is it realistic for me to consume the rest of my days not fully committing to the health of !00% of my person? I can't say that I'm up for that or even that I should feel the least bit remorseful for eliminating the overwhelm of being a woman, married and Black.